Don't shame me for not dressing up for Halloween

Don't shame me for not dressing up for Halloween.

I get it, you love thinking up your costume. You spend time sifting through the hundreds of ideas that you've been quietly collecting in a Google Doc all year.

You take notes on cultural events, viral stars and barely-noticeable television characters, meticulously deciding which is ripe for the perfect Halloween pun or unexpected appearance.

I love that, but I have never for a second felt that way.

Don't shame me.

SEE ALSO:11 meme-inspired costumes for Halloween 2016

I have thingsgoing on.

I'm not saying that you don't, I'm just saying that I do. Between work, a social life and genuinely trying to keep up with the Kardashians, I am way too tired at the end of the day to think about a costume.

I'm not saying you're not tired at the end of the day, I'm just saying that I am.I applaud your youthful spirit as I lay down and pray to survive the terrifying crash from my fourth coffee.

We cannot let Halloween divide us.

I love that you've spent days constructing 'Ken Bone, the living trombone', but at the end of the day, I just want to uninterruptedly stare at my phone, fantasize about what I would do with sudden fame and have my food delivered at least a lukewarm temperature.

Don't shame me.

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No, I don't think I'm too cool for Halloween. I think it's very cool that you're into Halloween. Your punny costumes and impressive makeup aren't lost on me. I will enthusiastically 'like' your pictures and tell my coworkers about your costumes, but I will gleefully lock myself in my apartment for two days before I spend an hour conscientiously gluing rhinestones to my face.

Don't shame me.

Of course I've thought about dressing up; it's a thing that's crossed my mind. I've often been inspired by the handiwork of others to think, "I'm really going try next year." But then, life goes on. I discover a new meme account, and completely forget about Halloween until Oct. 25.

I'm not saying your life doesn't go on, I'm just saying that mine does. My attention span is short, and it's hard to remember in which iPhone note I wrote my amazing costume idea (Kim Possible) from February when every single one is titled: "THINGS TO TELL DOCTOR."

Don't shame me.

We are all entitled to different opinions and ideas. Isn't that diversity what makes us great? You say tomato, I say to-mah-to. You like salad, I like gluten-free pizza with meatless sausage. You think Drake is the voice of our generation, and I think if I just had a little bit of guidance I could really make a fire mixtape.

We are all stardust.

I don't like dressing up. Wearing a costume might be my least favorite thing in the world besides child neglect and my high school guidance counselor, Ms. Nagy (editor: please don't take this out I want her to know). Wearing a costume makes me feel uncomfortable.

What's worse: everyone has an excuse to talk to you. You are a walking conversation starter. The last thing I need is a reason for that guy I accidentally matched on Tinder to approach me.

I'm not saying you're looking for attention, I'm just saying that I'm not.

In fact, I love your attention! I think it's great to be proud of your costume - you spent time and effort on that thing! Work deserves credit, and I'm happy you're getting the notoriety you earned.

I hope you win your office costume party. I hope your picture gets 200 likes. I hope you made every single one of your exes wish they had you back.

I'd just rather scroll through Twitter.

Don't shame me.

BONUS: Stranger Things but with hamsters.

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